He's like an animal, marking his territory! Where'd you get that? Debra Barone: Ray did everybody read that? Victoria's not a secret anymore! A big wall of red? [Frank pulls a tissue out of his pocket and dries his eyes. Debra Barone: Yeah, your parents would only visit once every other month. Okay? Ray Barone: I want to get something really special for Debra this year, you know? Marie Barone: Yes, I do know what that is! Choo-choo Twain. Ray Barone: I just lied half naked to a nun. Robert Barone: Yeah. And, I figured, she was only gonna cook like that for me. Marie Barone: Another sex game? Right now? Or even Raymond, today. Frank Barone: Yeah, sometimes it's about a jar of fat. He's a history buff, an aspiring writer of short fiction, and a devout metalhead who enjoys poorly drumming along to Black Sabbath on his cheap drum set. EVERYBODY loves Raymond. [touches Debra's shoulder] Not- Not if it's the right person. I can't bare to see him hurt. Marie Barone: My canister! Now nobody can eat it! Debra Barone: You know, your mother was right! It was a gift. If ever there was a quote to best illustrate Robert's place in this series, and the traits of the show in general, this is the one. “I don’t care if it’s the Super-Duper Bowl!” - Marie Barone, the show should be called “Everybody loves Frank”. Robert Barone: [as Timmy] Oh sure that's it except making sure your first born child is in the car before you pull out of a gas station in New Mexico! Only you can't have lasagna... Or ice cream. Whoever's ass was not in their seat at the designated time, that ass was left behind. Amy Barone: Why would Ray keep turning you down? His blood pressure's returning to normal and he's coming out of it. Ray Barone: Maybe we should get a bigger table. I felt its wind! You are *way* off. Marie Barone: [She turns to Frank] Why can't you ever say something like that to me? Instead of going for somebody younger he went for somebody different. That'll calm him down. I tried it once. Ray Barone: But doesn't it say in the Constitution... Debra Barone: I don't care what it says in the Constitution! Marie Barone: Doctor, before you go, is there such a thing as a "Personality Transplant"? Robert Barone: [as Timmy] Marie is it? She'd given me her ring years before so I put that stone in your setting. Debra Barone: Marie, religious scholars spend their entire lives asking this question. Ray Barone: A thousand dollars. Ray Barone: [laughs uncomfortably] No, no, no, no. He gives both his family and the viewers yet another reminder of just how different the lives of these men are. Marie Barone: I don't like that, Raymond. Raymond "Ray" Barone: So, sleeping with me is like going to the dentist? Not thinking, not moving, just thanking God for the blessing that is my beautiful wife while I hang pictures. Why? Marie Barone: Two drops? — Frank Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 1: I Love You Tagged: Love , said i love you , Sassy , freaking , fairyland “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, my wife thinks I'm in the bathroom.” Yeah. Without your pushing, I would still be in your womb. Ray Barone: When you say Nancy. : Frank Barone: Holy crap. Debra Barone: Hmm? Why did you do that? You know, for one moment the greatest player that I ever saw was thinking about me. Frank Barone Not every quote has to be emotional, profound, or representative of the character in question to shine. Marie Barone: Yeah, I left them here. And then the brother! Stone-Wall Jackson's wearing a beeper. [takes the coat and sniffs it]. Ray grabs the pan out of her hands]. You don't need my help do you? I needed that! Ally Barone: Daddy, what's an appointment? Robert Barone Frank Barone: You gotta keep pushing kids. Debra Barone: Okay. Raymond 'Ray' Barone: Thank you for that heart-warming story. I've had a very rough couple of days here. Today's lessons are "Blow my nose" and "Pull my finger". Debra Barone: Robert, you have a will, right? Ray Barone: I know what you're going through. I'm organized. You want to see it? Debra Barone: I'm the younger one, Robert. Anyway, the salt doesn't stick to them, it falls everywhere. Ray Barone: And that's your word for gay? Quack. Marie Barone: [examining the boys] Oh, my God! Ray Barone: Which means that you are the more attractive one. Raymond "Ray" Barone: How did you get the keys back from mom? We love you. Debra Barone: Ray, this is crazy. Ray Barone: Who, the guys you swim naked with? Debra Barone: You didn't have to. Well, you can but the hamster doesn't look forward to it. Frank continues to stare at the sculpture] Holy crap! Well here's what's not funny. Didn't you have enough with that other sex game you and Robert used to play all the time when you were kids? I'm serving his life sentence! Do you have your wallet? Frank Barone: It's "Robert Talk". Marie Barone: [looks at Debra] You'd have to be a cook to understand. The lawn! And I'm sorry that we haven't gotten there yet, but I think that we can. It was all fun. Debra Barone: "Robert's touch and go, emotionally speaking." Frank Barone: I'll put the fork down when there's a ticket on it! Ray Barone: I wish I were Einstein cause then I'd invent a time machine and go back to when you were nice. [points to Marie]. Debra Barone: [Obviously relieved] Oh, Oh my God. Which reminds me, if you go out today, pick up a new doorknob. Ray Barone: And then you brought in Old Yeller to make yourself feel better? Debra Barone: Okay, so you're a sailor. Ray Barone: She wasn't mad at me. Your vote was a vote for slavery! Yeah, yeah. You know that? If there's ever a problem in the family, it's the mother. In the episode, "The Thought That Counts," this comes to the forefront, as Robert bursts into a tirade after Ray takes full credit to Robert's great gift idea for Debra. Nobody *wants* to throw a bad party. Most of Frank's best lines, and his best burns in the process, come at the expense of his long suffering wife, Marie. There's no Debra. Robert Barone: He is and always has been the center. Frank Barone: Trophy wife? Marie Barone: [Marie explaining how their marriage has work for so long] We might fight but we're OK with each other. Ray Barone: Not- Not if it's the right person. Lois: [writing in her notebook] Warren is very, very good at being controlling! Which Grimm Character Is Your Soulmate, Based On Your Zodiac? We're talking about Robert. Frank Barone: You were a pot smoking hippie? I'm worried about that pizza parlor putana! You look behind you. Ray Barone: Now I know. Robert! Robert Barone: [as himself] I don't have a problem with it. And to my second son. J-Just the writen part. Wait a minute. Raymond "Ray" Barone: [imitating Gerard's nasal whiny voice, which people tell Ray sounds like himself] Oh, nooo! He stays over quite often and I've decided that it's not a sin. Got it! Ray Barone: Alright come here guys. I liked them. And you would have to stop living vicariously through Robert. It's like banana time in the monkey cage! Ray Barone: Why do you like Frank Barone? This quote is pretty significant for a number of reasons. I got an entire freak show that put up their tent right across the street. Robert Barone: That's why you didn't breastfeed me? I cook from here. Marie Barone Frank Barone: Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that! Ray Barone: C'mon, that apartment was tiny and cramped and noisy. Ray Barone: You been walking around secretly thinking I'm a hateful jerkface but still acting all fake nice to me? I'm your wife. That's right! Debra Barone: All right, okay. But, it could've been the twins. [Robert has just helped Ray by using some well placed words to insult Jerry Musso]. Vicariously, just looking. Debra Barone: Here's a hint, Ray. Whoa, smells like there wasn't anything good in here for a while. Debra Barone: Ally already has a hamster. Just say hello–don’t make a meal out of it! I still have the scar. You die. That's right. Debra Barone: No, not your father either. Frank Barone: I had to pet that bunny. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. : Marie Barone: I should tie them together into a noose for you. And I came to see *you*, Ally because I heard you were a very good girl this year and you're going to get everything you want. [He obeys immediately]. Don't cry! : They use their gas! Raymond! Marie Barone: [as Marie reads the following Ray chases Frank around the kitchen trying to steal from the last piece of pie] Based on the readings of Mark Twain's "Tom Sawyer", which of the following would you recommend for fifth grade homework and why? Every night since our wedding, Robert gives me a little massage. Frank Barone: You wanted a thank you? Sit down! Anyway, you know, maybe we could just keep that in mind. Kill is going to Debra you. I don't want to share T-ball with you, Bryan. Ray Barone: You never hinted about those pajamas. When the Russians boycotted, we won everything. And I don't know, it just freed up something in her, and she channeled that anger in a very hot fashion. Something from Lake Saugatuck. I have the right to an attorney. They had me so drugged up I didn't know whether I was coming or going. But the sharp wit on display in every scene between these two makes for some truly legendary pieces of comedy, even if there's a bit of a sting along with the zing.
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